ADAM sept 4th 2011
It doesn't stop.
they are not mine
they are not stories
they keep me busy
I quit my acting class
I quit my job at the resteraunt.I cannot wait tables.Not with this going on.
I read over the last week's entries
my mother called .she wants me to come home.
Linda N tells me .it's an adjustment period.
and that maybe I should post my ideas.my fears and experiences directly online ,instead of this notebook.
I tell Valerie I am afraid I will sound crazy.
David
called and said he had a dream about me
and said I shouldn't smoke
Valerie says I must write all my thoughts
she gave me more pills
she says...I am doing so well
that there is something about me
jan 28 2016
the abuse is crazy
there's a new part to this
I have been -trained - or something -only to work thru things
online
now it seems ..
I may not
in the past few weeks all things came together
but I am still _spoken to - as if -
as if ...my entire duty in life is to be a processor
something -in betwweee now and what this research is all about
if I do not write
now ..in spite of -warning
I will now be able to so easily tomorrow
writing gets me awaty from the fear
and maybe insights it I realize that evey thing I write sound s like a lunatic
believing he in some lyrical schizophrenia
maybe I would as well if information about the tech was released..
as this is all about understamding human ..human behavior
intent.
it is up to me and me only to survive as best as I can ..
with what ever I need to do -write--etc
to remain sane..
to remain..
separate from this
ifi were a researchers
a business man trying to get away with -developing a new system of control
I might have done the same things
to mask it
to get away with it
people with IQs 180 200 etc
are not like us
they're a different species
tomorrow will come ..
and I will be scared and lost..
but still too afraid of suicide
-it takes 4 minuts to die whe n one jumps from a bridge
-what is interesting about the computer social media
is it got me nowhere..
it didn't mean a word..
trying very hard to contextulize what's going on
and that s scary
it's a tower of bable
I bable on any way
and get a like here and there ..but the way the social media is liad out nobody has an iidea what I am saying
yet I wake up each morning and do it anyway
which is perculiar
am I draw to the EKF --RF itself
the pixels ...the signal behind the screen ..does the ever changing pixels 9unseeable0 mesmerize us
so much to spend (waste) a full6 years describing ..something this odd
(less and less is this used for anything but -keeping me in my place0
imagine a system that keeps another in their place
as less than a comouter that has deciphered and mastered all signals form vision to 999 different thinking styles
it can lay atop your own
against your will
and imagine the corruption that keeps this information -oooh the impossible - to its self
--
It doesn't stop.
they are not mine
they are not stories
they keep me busy
I quit my acting class
I quit my job at the resteraunt.I cannot wait tables.Not with this going on.
I read over the last week's entries
my mother called .she wants me to come home.
Linda N tells me .it's an adjustment period.
and that maybe I should post my ideas.my fears and experiences directly online ,instead of this notebook.
I tell Valerie I am afraid I will sound crazy.
David
called and said he had a dream about me
and said I shouldn't smoke
Valerie says I must write all my thoughts
she gave me more pills
she says...I am doing so well
that there is something about me
jan 28 2016
the abuse is crazy
there's a new part to this
I have been -trained - or something -only to work thru things
online
now it seems ..
I may not
in the past few weeks all things came together
but I am still _spoken to - as if -
as if ...my entire duty in life is to be a processor
something -in betwweee now and what this research is all about
if I do not write
now ..in spite of -warning
I will now be able to so easily tomorrow
writing gets me awaty from the fear
and maybe insights it I realize that evey thing I write sound s like a lunatic
believing he in some lyrical schizophrenia
maybe I would as well if information about the tech was released..
as this is all about understamding human ..human behavior
intent.
it is up to me and me only to survive as best as I can ..
with what ever I need to do -write--etc
to remain sane..
to remain..
separate from this
ifi were a researchers
a business man trying to get away with -developing a new system of control
I might have done the same things
to mask it
to get away with it
people with IQs 180 200 etc
are not like us
they're a different species
tomorrow will come ..
and I will be scared and lost..
but still too afraid of suicide
-it takes 4 minuts to die whe n one jumps from a bridge
-what is interesting about the computer social media
is it got me nowhere..
it didn't mean a word..
trying very hard to contextulize what's going on
and that s scary
it's a tower of bable
I bable on any way
and get a like here and there ..but the way the social media is liad out nobody has an iidea what I am saying
yet I wake up each morning and do it anyway
which is perculiar
am I draw to the EKF --RF itself
the pixels ...the signal behind the screen ..does the ever changing pixels 9unseeable0 mesmerize us
so much to spend (waste) a full6 years describing ..something this odd
(less and less is this used for anything but -keeping me in my place0
imagine a system that keeps another in their place
as less than a comouter that has deciphered and mastered all signals form vision to 999 different thinking styles
it can lay atop your own
against your will
and imagine the corruption that keeps this information -oooh the impossible - to its self
--
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